The One About 8-week-old Babies Trying to Live Up to Expectations

I grew up on hyperbolic stories of what I was like when I was a baby. 

Me, as a special, large headed, baby.

I only cried two times:  Once when my mom stuck the diaper safety pin through my belly and once when my mom stuck the diaper safety pin through my side.

I didn’t sleep through the night until I was six years old.

I could read “Wynken, Blynken, and Nod” at 20 months.  In my head.

I was the cutest, smartest, funniest, and biggest headed baby that ever existed.

And then we had Zach.  Zach has not only broken all of my 2 month old records, he did so at only eight weeks.   Some examples: 

1.  Zach spits up congealed milk for distance.  My wife plays this game where she says, “Ok, Zach’s ready to be burped.”  I take the boy with airplane sounds and hearty pats on the back.  He sighs and coughs, but doesn’t burp until I look at him.  He gives me a, “Here it comes, Daddy,” look.  And then I’m covered.  According to my mom, I never spit up as a baby.  Zach must get that from his mom.

Zach, smiling at his stuffed animal, mom, or the ceiling fan.

2.  Zach can cry on command.  Well, really, anytime I hold him.  My wife takes him and he smiles and coos.  He looks at the ceiling fan and he smiles and coos.  When he’s alone in his dark room at night and stares at his eyelids, he smiles and coos.  When I’m within a fifteen foot radius, he cries.  I loved my father.  Again, he must get that from his mom.


3.  Zach pooped in his bathwater 11 times.  And that was just on Wednesday.  I was four years old before I pooped in my bathwater 11 times, though the last three times were because I liked bubbles.  In this instance, he may take after me.

All in all, it’s been a special eight weeks and he’s a special boy.  Ten years down the line, when I tell him about how he was when he was a baby, I’ll show him the pictures of him smiling at a stuffed animal.  And tell him how much he loved me.  And that his head was bigger than mine.

About Jimmy

The stories herein are about a sentimental 80s child who cried at every showing of ET (the sad part where he was lying in the wash) and his families, then and now. His wife, son, parents, and siblings play their parts well. They have their exits and their entrances. Sometimes their exits are sad, but not as sad as ET.
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11 Responses to The One About 8-week-old Babies Trying to Live Up to Expectations

  1. inkline says:

    By the time he’s 10 he’ll know he has to ask, at the end of a story, “Did that really happen?” And he’ll know he’ll get a grin and an honest, “Not quite” from you.
    He loves you.
    And I love you, too.
    (It was only once, Babe, not 11 times.)

  2. Dianna says:

    Adorable post. # 3 just cracked me up…..!

  3. Adrienne says:

    Perfect! Lucky kid…to have a devoted dad with a great sense of humor!

  4. Your too funny! love #1….so glad to see that your bringing a joyous sense of humor to your parenting, you’ll need it…especially in 10 years 🙂 !!

  5. I love reading your posts. You have a very fun way of writing! I always know I’ll have a smile when I read your posts. 🙂 Your little guy is certainly growing fast.

    • Jimmy says:

      Thanks! He is growing way too fast. I’ve been trying to teach him a curveball for about three weeks and he’s almost got the hang of it!

  6. marsha says:

    Zach is such a blessed little boy to have a father who is so intimitly involved in his life. I enjoy your thoughts and even though at 10 Zach might not, when he matures, he will.

  7. kitkatlikereflexes says:

    Haha, this is hilarious!

  8. Wonderful! Made me laugh outright, needed too. 🙂 Umm…blogging about a kid is different than pulling out the ole’ photograph album for ONE or TWO people to look at. I’d love to be in the room when he sees this. Mustn’t forget the naked shot on the blankie, or rug. Heheheh

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